BBC NEWS – World – Americas – Girlfriend ‘hit with alligator’:

“A man in the US state of Florida was arrested after he allegedly used his pet alligator to hit his girlfriend.”

Actually, of course, the title is a little unfair since alligators are only found in the US. Or are they? Hold on….

Nearly true. Apparently they’re found in eastern China too (a bit random). They’re called ‘caimans’ in Central and Southern America, apparently. How about that, eh? I’m sure you’re all fascinated.

Anyway, my point was that it’s hard to imagine such an event occuring anywhere else in the world. To fill you in (since being lazy products of the information age, you probably haven’t bothered clicking the above link. And it might well be broken by now anyway) the story goes that a man lost his temper when he realised there was no beer, and threw his pet alligator at his girlfriend. He actually picked up the 3 foot long reptile, sharp snappy teeth and all, and lobbed it across the room. Now THAT is an over reaction.

I don’t think you could quite pull that off in England. There’s a distinct shortage of pets that would make impressive projectiles. British wildlife doesn’t get much more threatening than a fox. Actually, there is something rather sinister about foxes. I wouldn’t want one square in the face, anyway.