If only there were a way of making all you healthy people out there suffer with me, I would be so much happier. Perhaps a moaning and bitter blog post will do the trick? Now if only there were a way to make you all read it…

Have you ever used one of those heat-sensitive-strip thermometers? I tried taking my temperature with one of those today, and it gave me a reading of 40°C, (104°F for those yet to be dragged kicking and screaming into the modern world). Now, I’m all for the exageration of symptoms to gain extra sympathy, and am not entirely against a little hypochondria now and then, but that did seem a little extreme to me. They may have the advantage of preventing your child getting mercury poisoning when they are at the stage of chewing whatever comes within range, but these strip things are clearly a little over-eager.

You’ll all no doubt be overjoyed to hear that I am not on my way out, since a proper thermometer downgraded my status from ‘critical’, to ‘stop moaning’. Still, I’m above the ‘standard healthy level’, and it’s certainly enough to be making me feel more than a little the worse for wear…

Right, I’m going to go to bed, I think. Nothing like a bit of sleep to make you feel better, eh? Or at least to provide a few hours of blissful oblivion in which the urge to vomit does not become overwhelming.

(Put you off your food? Good! (For those of you actually eating at this point, be careful not to pour orange juice on your keyboard. Removing and cleaning each and every key is not fun. Believe me.))