17.40 – “Hey Fyse. Just to say I’m meeting people for a drink after work if you fancied coming along. Not sure where but give me a ring when you’re done. Hope you had a good day!”

18.30 – “Well, we’re wandering round The Eagle but can’t find anywhere to sit down. Thinking perhaps The Maypole instead. Meet us there?”

19.45 – “No, no. Really musn’t. Definitely need food before more drink. Actually, do any of you fancy going via Sainsbury’s to buy supper? Curry back at mine? With a bottle of wine?”

20.00 – “Yeah, true, but is it really worth the risk? Look, you guys go to the checkout, I’m grabbing another bottle of red.”

21.10 – “Another ten mins, I’d say. Christ, I’m bloody starving. Where’s that second bottle?”

22.35 – “Oooooook! Lahoma, where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain. And the wavin’ wheat, can sure smell sweet, when the wind comes right…” Thwack. “Fyse. Shut. Up.”

23.10 – “No, there’s no question. For the perfect woman you don’t look further than Belle. Intelligent, feisty, amazing eyes. Keen interest in English literature. What’s more, she’s sees through the monstrous exterior to the good heart within. That’s right, I’ve thought this thing through.”

23.40 – “I’m not gonna wheel it, it’s bloody miles. I’ll be fine. You remember that party in spring of second year when I got slightly tipsy and climbed straight onto my bike? Then rode directly into that parked van? And do you remember me walking away without a scratch? I think I’ve made my point.”

23.41 – Thump.